We talk to parents a lot with what we do through The QB Docs. It’s always very interesting to hear the dynamic of what a their thought processes are on developing the growth of their child. Some parents don’t think about it how they want to develop their child and just stick them in as many extra-curricular activities as they can. Some are involved in every single decision that their child makes and are too over protective. Some push their kids way too hard to where their kids develop burn out. What are the traits that kids possess that make them successful adults though? Can this be learned through sport? Today, we are going to touch on the Top 5 Traits Kids Need For Success in our minds.

1. Sense of Respect For Elders

Is it me or has this kind of gone out the window? When my brothers and I were growing up we always viewed adults with a great sense of respect. Teachers, coaches, and other adults were always viewed as people that you did what they told you to do. No matter what. If they were talking to you, you gave them eye contact. You answered “no sir” or “yes ma’am.” These are attributes to show them a sense of respect.

When did this go wrong though and why is this important? As time has passed on, I believe that it is now seen as alright to voice one’s opinion to criticize if one’s viewpoint isn’t in line with the coach’s or teacher’s. And example would be if a parent doesn’t agree with how the coach is coaching their son or daughter’s team and criticizes in front of the child. The same could be said for a teacher that isn’t performing in the classroom like the parent would want. This is a BIG PROBLEM parents. When you show a lack of respect, so to will your child toward that person of higher authority. Before too long, this starts to become a habit. The habit that will be developed will be one of pointing the finger at someone else for failures instead of looking into one’s self to see how to improve. Never criticize people of “higher status” for your children in front of them, no matter how bad they are. They will start to lose respect for them FAST and then develop this habit for every teacher/coach that they have. Over time, they will view their employers this way as well.

2. Willingness to Try New Things

It’s always funny to me when I hear a parent pigeon hole a child and tell me what sports and skills that they have when they are very young. Do you really know and what is your definition of good? It’s a parent’s job to encourage their kids to participate in EVERYTHING! This doesn’t just go for sports. This means that they try playing instruments, join the choir, join as many peer groups as possible so they are exposed to everything. Why is this important? They start to develop a sense of self. They start to shape the idea of what activities they are good at and what they are passionate about. Guess what? Kids that this innate ability to be creative at an early age and this slowly goes away as we age. By trying new things and creating an “open mind” for kids this shapes an ability to be creative for longer periods. It also increases one’s ability to empathize with a wide set of people because they have been around these people in the past. These are incredibly important skills for a child to develop because these skills are directly related to job satisfaction and success in the workplace one that child gets older.

 

3. Self Confidence

One thing we really like is when the child has the ability to make good decisions for himself/herself. One thing that parents need to understand is that young children are going to make bad decisions many times over initially because they are learning cause and effect. There has to be period of trial and error until the child can learn what are “good” decisions and what are “bad” decisions. This means that parents MUST let their kids fall flat on their face when they make these bad decisions. Over time, more and more good decisions are made which develops a sense of self confidence in the child. High self confidence which means better rates of perseverance and more resilience when situations don’t go their way. The biggest part of the equation here is that the child learn from the bad decisions that they make. Let your kids feel uncomfortable parents! They need this because if you bail them out of bad situations then they will never understand the difference between good and bad decisions for themselves. In their subconscious they will always know that the outcome of their decisions, no matter if they are good or bad, will always turn out in their favor because the parent will always cover up their mistakes or take them out of bad situations.

4. Humility

This concept goes hand in hand with the trait of self-confidence. This is one of the most rare traits that is out there in my mind these days. In a society where we see professional athletes beat their chest when they have success and celebrate every touchdown, the idea of being humble during successes is essentially being thrown out the window. Why is this important though? Well, this is extremely important because a lack of humility also means a lack of “true” self confidence. People that are good in their craft don’t have to celebrate themselves or tell everyone else that they are good, they just are.

There was a time when I was in middle school watching my brother Dusty play basketball against a team out of Bloomington, IN. The team that they were playing had an exceptional player on their team who not only was the best player on the floor, but his body language displayed extremely high levels of confidence. This confidence was displayed in a way where it wasn’t cocky though. His skill level was above and beyond anyone that age, but he acted as if it were just another day for him. The mindset that this player played with was one where he knew that he was better, but that there was still room for him to improve. Dusty actually played on his team for years to come until this player took his talents to Indiana University where he played on their basketball team as a four year starter at point guard.

These types of players are special. These players excel at an early age, yet remain hungry. They understand the talent that they have, but also understand that the room to grow is vast. They have the ability to not listen to those around them that tell them how great they are. How is this ability developed though? It always starts with the parents setting the tone and explaining the meaning of humility and why it’s an important trait to have. Some of the best advice I have ever received was to reflect praise to teammates during times of success and accepting criticism during times of struggle. Successful athletes do this and more importantly successful people do this.

5. Grit

I think it’s important to define this term before we talk about it. Grit is a personality trait possessed by individuals who demonstrate passion and perseverance toward a goal despite being confronted by significant obstacles and distractions. Those who possess grit are able to self-regulate and postpone their need for positive reinforcement while working diligently on a task.

After reading that definition, it takes me back to very vivid memories over the past 15 years of my life. Some of those memories include not starting on the varsity football team as a sophomore in high school, a season ending injury to my thumb in my first career collegiate start, physical therapy school, and many more.

There’s most definitely going to be times in which situations arise that you don’t want. The point I want to get across is that grit isn’t something that just happens one day. People don’t just possess the ability to persevere through challenging situations. It must be developed. This means that parents not only have to allow their children to be vulnerable by participation, but they also must allow them to fail over and over. They must put them in uncomfortable situations for sustained periods of time. Yes, this will be challenging for you to do. If you don’t, you will be robbing your children of long term success. You don’t want to do that do you?

For those that are shaking your heads right now, here’s the part of the equation that hasn’t been talked about and is the most important. As long as it’s a safe environment and the child has a support system to rely on (you, the parents), then all will be fine. This is the art of them internalizing their emotions in a way that is constructive. This is where composure and self regulation is developed.

Writing this article brought back a lot of very vivid memories for me whenever I was going through time of struggle especially. Isn’t that a funny thing? The memories and emotions that you remember most often times come from the bad times. I can also remember that those times were also followed by some of the most joyful times of my life as well when I was able to conquer sustained times of struggle. This is where true joy and happiness comes from. That’s actually a scientific fact that’s been proven! Hope y’all enjoy this one!

-Drew Kiel PT, DPT, CSCS